These are my confessions…

Here is the first of my confession of many to come.

One of the biggest things is that I’m SCARED!. I’m honestly so scared. I’m sick of putting this outer layer of happiness, confidence, FAKE reassurance to myself and others that I’ve got eveyrthing undercontrol. Lately i’ve been feeling like those people who are there to support and help you, have just screwed me over. School has been good, or is that the front that I put out. Right now at City, things are going pretty well. I’m going to class and I’ve got things on track. Then I started to slip a bit and got bitch slapped in the face. I recently found out that instead of going to City, I could have stayed at S.F. State. My friend, who is in the same predicament as I am is still going to State. I asked how she was doing it and she told me that her counsolor was the one who helped her through the process and go to state as “Extended Learning”. Her counselor told her that she should do that instead because it goes directly to her State GPA and will make it easier on her. As of now she is only taking one class, that’s what the counselor recommended, to boost her GPA.

Now what did I get… A late notice to me that I’m not going to be able to go to State and not guidence on what to do or where to go. The option that my couselor told me was to go to City and then come back then kicked me out basically. There was no help or sence of care given to me at all. I felt so lost.

Even before all this, my previous counselor, he’s the one that got me into this situation!! I fucking hate him. Honestly I really do! He made me feel so incompitent and so behind in my first year. He lead me to believe that I was already a semester behind in my first year at SF State. He says that I had to take these classes to get back on track. Chem w/ Lab and Bio w/ lab along with other G.E.’s I had to take for the upcoming semester is what he told me to do. I felt like I can trust him, since he was a counselor and counselors are there to help… right? So I did what he said and instead I got fucked over again and set myself back even further… It all started here. The Snowball affect! I thought they were there to help you out, Sure they are, but i learned that you have to choose carefully and who and what you take in from them. Ughh I wish i’ve realized this sooner. This whole system on who I can trust in college and who can I turn makes me feel so vulnerable…and i hate that feeling of uncertinty and anxiety.

There’s more but i’m too tired… Blogging actually take a toll on you sometimes haha. I’m going to sleep. Goodnight Guys. i’ll finish it later. =)